Where to begin?

I bite my lower lip as I try and figure out where to start. It’s 6:38 in the morning and surely one of my kiddos will be awake soon. I love that rumpled hair, sleepy morning face that adorns both my boys faces when they greet me each morning. Hearing the “Hi Mommy” as my three year old comes down the stairs and into my arms is beyond heartwarming. Picking up my baby boy from his crib and feeling him snuggling down into me while I breathe in his scent is a moment I wish I could bottle up and let out whenever I needed to experience it.

I was inspired to start writing this blog to channel the energy of what has been the most fear- provoking and anxiety ridden chapter of my life. Three months after the birth of my newly turned one year old, I was diagnosed with postpartum anxiety and depression, specifically postpartum OCD.

I can say that I am in a place that is light years away from when the darkness settled in, but I am not quite out of the tunnel. I can see the light very clearly, and almost touch it, but I’m not there yet.

In reality, the darkness didn’t settle in, it came upon me with a fierceness I didn’t know existed.

All I know for sure is that I serve a God who has promised me deliverance and redemption. He has given me this priceless gift through His Son Jesus Christ, and I have never been more dependent upon Him in my life then now.

I love to write and one of my life long goals was to publish a novel. I wanted to use the talent God had given me for my own recognition and praise and wasn’t seeking His particular thoughts on what to do with my flair for words. Obviously, that novel hasn’t been published yet. In fact, not one word has been written. I don’t even know what it’s about. What I do know is that I have been humbled by my recent trial and God has used me to minister to four other women who are experiencing the same terrifying, gut-wrenching experience. So with that, I pray that other women who are going through any postpartum mood disorder may stumble upon this and find comfort in knowing they are not alone.

“You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you. Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord, the Lord himself is the Rock eternal.”

Isaiah 26:3-4

1 thought on “Where to begin?

  1. I have read these both, you are doing a wonderful job of sharing your heart and experience! Thank you for being such a living reminder of God's grace and peace. I especially love how you describe the rumpled hair of sleepy babies and the image of you clinging to the leg of your adult son some day. As a mom of a soon to be 25 yr old I can attest to the reality of that feeling! Keep it up!

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