seeing through the fog

I found my new prayer spot this morning. Our townhouse has 3 levels, the second having a sliding glass door leading out onto a deck. The sun rises spectacularly from this view, despite the treeline and row of townhouses that dot the horizon.

I wrapped myself in a blanket and tucked my feet underneath me as I gazed out and absorbed the tapestry of colors that our Creator so lovingly designed.

At some point in the midst of praying, for whatever reason I started to “fog” up the window. If you had been sitting on the opposite side of the door you would have seen a crazy woman with disheveled hair and pink socks, blowing her hot morning breath all over the glass with a wide open mouth. I had a flashback to childhood riding in the backseat of our car and doodling aimlessly on the window before the defroster kicked in and did it’s job.

When my foggy circle was complete, I leaned my forehead against the window and looked through it. As I gazed through my “artwork”, I could only make out the shape of the deck posts and roofs of the homes behind us. I equated it to having a need for glasses and instantly felt bad for all my of friends with visual impairments. (Love you all!)

As I continued to stare, the fog slowly diminished from the outside in. I likened it to tunnel vision, except instead of losing sight, everything became clearer. It dawned on me how similar my little science experiment is from healing from a postpartum mood disorder.

When your vision becomes blurred by postpartum illness (or any difficulty) and you can’t “blink” it away as if you had a speck of dust in your eye, you panic and have a sense of complete despair that you will never see clearly again. You feel as if all hope is gone and things will never get better. But it does get better. Not overnight. Not in a week, or a month, or maybe a few months…and in some cases it takes longer than that. But it DOES get better. Day by day that circle of fog diminishes every so slowly from the outside in, getting smaller and smaller until all is clear again and hope has been restored. It is my prayer for you this morning if you are looking through the fog, you can find strength with God’s promises to look past it and know that there is clarity and healing on the other side of it.

“Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God.”

Psalm 43:5

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4 thoughts on “seeing through the fog

  1. Thank you for this. Sometimes it seems like I’m in a time warp and am not getting better but if I look back I have really come a long way. So it does help to hear someone who has been through this disorder say it will get better.

  2. This is beautiful, Emily. It’s so good to know that God is with us in all our struggles, and good to know when our vision is narrowed by pain that one day we will see clearly again.

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