FYI: Blog written in two parts…
Part 1 (Saturday the 4th)
I am sitting in the waiting room of a radiology suite for an ultrasound. The instructions I received to fast after midnight have left me with a headache and hunger pangs. My throat is dry and I was instructed not to take any medications, so you can imagine I am anxiously awaiting this to be over with so the delicate balance of consistency doesn’t wreak havoc.
I have signed in, filled out some paperwork, sat back down, and am now back in the waiting room. Baby steps to complete this whole process.
All that to say this parallels with the recovery process of postpartum OCD and depression. I have touched on this before, but today I am discouraged. The last day and a half have been “yucky” days and it feels like two steps forward and one step back.
I get so frustrated because all I want is to be content, even-keeled, and be the fun mama I was designed to be.
Part 2 (Thursday the 8th)
After I was called to go into the procedure room I was asked if I had filled my bladder. I hadn’t. Apparently I was supposed to have consumed 30 oz of water one hour prior to my procedure. So guess what? I waited all that time and had to reschedule. Annoyed and frustrated I left.
My couple yucky days have passed and I am feeling like “me” again. It can be so frustrating to think that you have “arrived” at your destination of healing only to find that you are stuck in an unexpected layover. Your brain is waiting on the tarmac before takeoff. The pilot doesn’t tell you how long the wait will be or what number plane you are. You are forced to sit on the plane, with the seatbelt sign on, and you can’t get up. Just thinking about it makes me feel claustrophobic.
Finally you taxi down the run way and soar ever so gently into the sky and feel the weight lifted away.
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.