Waiting

FYI: Blog written in two parts…

Part 1 (Saturday the 4th)

I am sitting in the waiting room of a radiology suite for an ultrasound. The instructions I received to fast after midnight have left me with a headache and hunger pangs. My throat is dry and I was instructed not to take any medications, so you can imagine I am anxiously awaiting this to be over with so the delicate balance of consistency doesn’t wreak havoc.

I have signed in, filled out some paperwork, sat back down, and am now back in the waiting room.  Baby steps to complete this whole process.

All that to say this parallels with the recovery process of postpartum OCD and depression.  I have touched on this before, but today I am discouraged.  The last day and a half have been “yucky” days and it feels like two steps forward and one step back.

I get so frustrated because all I want is to be content, even-keeled, and be the fun mama I was designed to be.

Part 2 (Thursday the 8th)

After I was called to go into the procedure room I was asked if I had filled my bladder. I hadn’t. Apparently I was supposed to have consumed 30 oz of water one hour prior to my procedure. So guess what? I waited all that time and had to reschedule. Annoyed and frustrated I left.

My couple yucky days have passed and I am feeling like “me” again. It can be so frustrating to think that you have “arrived” at your destination of healing only to find that you are stuck in an unexpected layover. Your brain is waiting on the tarmac before takeoff. The pilot doesn’t tell you how long the wait will be or what number plane you are. You are forced to sit on the plane, with the seatbelt sign on, and you can’t get up. Just thinking about it makes me feel claustrophobic.

Finally you taxi down the run way and soar ever so gently into the sky and feel the weight lifted away.

 So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Isaiah 41:10

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3 thoughts on “Waiting

  1. Oooooh, darlin’. This is so beautiful. I have not waged the battle you have fought with PPD, nor have I dealt with OCD, but I am a woman ruled by emotions. Tuesday was the mountaintop, a day spent basking in the Son. I was full of faith, confident that my “light and present troubles” were securely under the foot of the Conqueror. Yesterday, though. Yesterday I was tired. I was weary. My faith had not slipped in its contact lenses and could hardly see across the room, much less across the span of my worries and into the Promised Land. I doubted. I was fearful. It hurt.

    Thankfully, mercifully, God gave me the presence of mind to simply tell Him how I felt. I did, and He allowed me to lay down my burdens, to hide in the shadow of His wing, to be restored by doing nothing more than resting in His love for me.

    Today? Today I’m on that mountaintop again. I plan to keep hold of it as long as I’m able. When I slip, though, or when I’m too tired for the fight, I will do my best to remember that I can rest in Him.

  2. Oooooo, I love the new site! You are doing a great job with your blogging. I like how reading your posts are like listening to you talk> I am sure that is one of the many reasons your words are touching the lives of others. Sorry we missed getting together this week, what does Wednesday look like?

    • Thanks Teri 🙂 Obviously Wednesday has come and gone. It looked well, though! 🙂 Did you get my evite for the mops ladies nights in at our table? I don’t think anyone is going to be able to make it.
      I am going to take you up on your babysitting offer very very soon!!!

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