Little things…..

That have brought me joy this week….

Sitting outside at dawn or dusk on the back porch
Reading summer fiction
The first wonderful eye opening sip of coffee in the morning
The endorphin high after a great run
Buying shorts in a smaller size
The first breath inhaled when stepping outside
Smelling someone grilling out
Hearing my boys make each other laugh
New pj shorts
Going to the library and checking out books for me
Learning something new from bible study
Sloppy wet kisses from Sammy

Keeping it simple allows me to feel like each day has its own place…..

Thank you Lord for the ability to appreciate all the little things…help me not to lose sight of them when hard days come…

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Three things….

1. Katherine Stone from http://www.postpartumprogress.com asked if she could post my letter to ACOG on the site. I am stoked. Excited is an understatement. Thank You, Jesus. Keep me humble.

2. Yesterday I purchased:

  • 4 boxes of cereal
  • 3 packages of whole grain english muffins
  • 2 packages of whole wheat bagel thins
  • 3 individual containers of greek yogurt
  • 1 box of WhuNus? (A “nutrtional” cookie…..if there is such a thing….?)

for a grand total of:

$23.10

I was pretty proud. Maybe not an extreme couponer’s result, yet I was on a post shopping savings high afterwards. And also noted that Honey Nut Cheerios has approximately the same amount of sugar as Fruit Loops.

3. My husband and I have begun “Insanity”. You know, with Shaun T? The guy who screams “Let’s GO!” into the camera and you want to run in the opposite direction.  You have to be a little off to do this exercise program. Day one of the Fit Test, my right quad gave out and I fell oh so gracefully onto the living room floor. It’s Day 5 and there are 55 more to go….and we get up together at 430 in the morning to do this. He says we should take before and after pictures. I don’t know if I can stomach looking at a picture of well…my stomach at it’s current state.

I’m ready for a nap by 10 am. Ok, I’m ready for a nap now, at 6:27 am.

But I feel…..awesome.

Martha vs. Mary

My friends Teri Miller and Karen Klasi, both whom have inspired me to blog and continue to blog are amazing women. Both beautiful writers and beautiful women of God.

And I am jealous. Karen’s talent with words far surpasses that of my own and I read her blog posts with joy and sinful envy. Teri is blessed with the ability to see the lessons God has for her through everyday experiences.

Today I feel stuck. Writer’s block as they say. Does that even exist? I heard somewhere at some point in time to write anyway.

So, write I will….

My oldest took the rare nap on the couch yesterday while the youngest was sleeping. He asked me to cuddle with him and if I would play some lullabies.

Of course I would.

Jewel has a lullaby CD that he and I have listened to for a looooong time. As she sang and I snuggled with my enormous 4 year old, my mind started to fill with the things I *needed* to do. Laundry. Dishes. Dust. Vacuum. Change the litter box.

No. I told my brain to shut up.

But both boys are going to sleep…..think of all you can accomplish.

Eventually the “Martha” in me lost (as in the one from the Bible who rushed around preparing and cleaning, not Stewart. Though if I had a crew of people working for me to organize, craft, and clean, I would give her a run for her money.)

I chose to be Mary (as in the one who sat at Jesus’ feet).  I wrapped my arm around my growing boy and felt his body relax and noticed when his breath steadied indicating he was indeed, sleeping. I talked with Jesus while I was there. Thanking Him, praising Him, feeling humbled by the gift of Motherhood.

Waking up 20 minutes later, glad I had chosen to be Mary for a bit, I let my boy sleep for a little longer.

I can’t recall the finest details of eventually doing the mundane household chores (which of course I always do as on to the Lord….not).  But I can vividly remember that snuggle time, adding it to the various snapshots in my mind that my brain has taken throughout this life.

Oh, and if you want, please check out my dear friends’ blogs. You will not be disappointed.

http://tuesdaywithteri.wordpress.com/

http://www.karenklasiwrites.com

I made it.

I had fully intended not to write about this day. I was going to let it come and go like any other day without much of an acknowledgment.

I sat down to study Hebrews, the book that my fabulous discipler friend and I have been going through the last few months.

I pressed play on iTunes as I pulled up biblegateway.com and listened to the song that has become so familiar to me, “Arms that Hold the Universe” by 33 Miles.

As the first few notes began to play, I remembered how I used to cling to the lyrics in this song during the deepest of my struggle. It became my “theme song”. (Ever watch Ally McBeal?)

Then I was smacked in the face with the realization that today marks the one year anniversary of when it all came crashing down.

I covered my face and felt so overcome with emotion I almost exploded. The tears didn’t come like I thought they would. I was instead filled with an overwhelming amount of gratitude and was literally speechless before God.

I can’t explain why the passing of 365 days since the onslaught is remarkable. I feel like I have permission to look over my shoulder at the experience of my postpartum illness, acknowledge it for what it was, and then look ahead with confidence and continue to walk away. With His grace…..

I made it.