Three things….

1. Katherine Stone from http://www.postpartumprogress.com asked if she could post my letter to ACOG on the site. I am stoked. Excited is an understatement. Thank You, Jesus. Keep me humble.

2. Yesterday I purchased:

  • 4 boxes of cereal
  • 3 packages of whole grain english muffins
  • 2 packages of whole wheat bagel thins
  • 3 individual containers of greek yogurt
  • 1 box of WhuNus? (A “nutrtional” cookie…..if there is such a thing….?)

for a grand total of:

$23.10

I was pretty proud. Maybe not an extreme couponer’s result, yet I was on a post shopping savings high afterwards. And also noted that Honey Nut Cheerios has approximately the same amount of sugar as Fruit Loops.

3. My husband and I have begun “Insanity”. You know, with Shaun T? The guy who screams “Let’s GO!” into the camera and you want to run in the opposite direction.  You have to be a little off to do this exercise program. Day one of the Fit Test, my right quad gave out and I fell oh so gracefully onto the living room floor. It’s Day 5 and there are 55 more to go….and we get up together at 430 in the morning to do this. He says we should take before and after pictures. I don’t know if I can stomach looking at a picture of well…my stomach at it’s current state.

I’m ready for a nap by 10 am. Ok, I’m ready for a nap now, at 6:27 am.

But I feel…..awesome.

16

As I walked through 2nd & Charles yesterday, I talked to a very dear close friend of mine from college. Wandering the store for almost an hour, I shared my struggle with postpartum OCD and she shared her unexpected struggle with postpartum anxiety.

While finishing up my conversation, a new friend and I spotted each other.  She previously revealed to me that she too struggled with depression after the birth of her first child and is now expecting again. We decided to take our kiddos to lunch and had a great conversation.

While dropping off my oldest at preschool that morning, a friend from church told me she appreciated my blog and had struggled after her first pregnancy.  She passed it along to someone who was currently struggling.

All that postpartum awareness in one day! I love it!

16 – that is the number of you beautiful women who have communicated to me at least one of the following:

  • I went through that.
  • I’m going through this now.
  • I thought I was going crazy.
  • I didn’t know anyone else had those thoughts.
  • I felt alone and didn’t know what to do.

How amazing is that!!! You all didn’t know there were so many of us, did you? 😉

I want to thank all of you for trusting me with your struggles and encourage you to keep persevering. Postpartum illness does not discriminate against age, race, or which number pregnancy you might be experiencing.

I am proud of all you mamas, and all the ones out there that I don’t know who are struggling, and continue to pray for you and praise God for you. I praise Him for bringing these amazing women to my life and for giving me the means to speak for those who are too afraid to speak.

“So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind.”

Philippians 2:1-2

Reaching into the New Year

I am not a fan of New Year’s resolutions. Short lived and unreachable, most resolutions (from my perspective) are self-driven and temporal. I can’t think of one resolution that I have made that I have actually followed through with.

I have so many “things” I am resolute to complete…..clean out the closets of debris and clutter….exercise more…drink more water….eat well….seeing my passion for writing and photography become lucrative….the list goes on.

As I enter 2012, I look back on 2011. A lot individuals close to me have had a difficult year. Many, myself included, have said, “This year has got to be better”.

As I reflect upon my postpartum experience, I remember saying to my therapist at one point, “I would rather receive a cancer diagnosis than to go through this.” Sometimes I still feel that way.

We don’t get to choose the crosses that God has given us to bear on this side of heaven. We do get to respond to how we carry it. I couldn’t write these words in the midst of my postpartum illness. If you are in the gut-wrenching hell that it is, I wouldn’t expect you to have that mindset either.

Let me clarify that while I feel I have “recovered” from my postpartum experience, this isn’t to say I don’t have bad days. It feels like postpartum PTSD. Thinking, “Really?? Did I go through all of that? What if it comes back? What if I am really not better? What if this medication is the only thing keeping me going?”

That’s when I tell Satan to shove it.

So I have obviously deviated from the beginning of my post but now I will attempt to tie it together. I don’t like resolutions. I can do nothing in my own power and strength. I am resolute to not make a New Year’s resolution. 🙂

A devotional I read a few days ago struck a cord with me and has stuck with me. A portion of the devotion from Wisdom Hunter’s reads as follows:

“There are rival voices in the mind of a Christian that compete for the ear of God. Another voice cries out for healing of a diseased body. A sincere voice asks to know God’s will and direction for living. All of these voices vie for the Lord’s attention and are close to His heart. But there is one request that collates all of these needs—to enter into the presence of Jesus in prayer.”

It continues, “We need the personalized presence of Christ like a hiker reaching a mountain summit needs oxygen. It is in this place of praise that we see the beauty of His holiness and we study at His feet. The doors to His house of worship are always open to our hungry heart and inquisitive mind. We enter into His courts because He is the One Thing we need.”

Oh Jesus, please let this be the prayer of my heart, to hunger for You. To be aware of Your presence always. To dive into it with exuberance. May the temptation of idleness be easy to push away so that I may relish in time well spent with You. I praise You for the healing You have provided and pray that I would always remain humble.

So, this year, I just want Jesus. All of Him. What that looks like I don’t know. I suspect that it is going to quiet the raucous in my fallen mind. I need Him each day for restoration, rejuvenation, and to be who He wants me to be.

I want to keep this year simple. Simply about Christ.

Yet, I can’t even do this on my own. God’s grace and love have been revealed to me by his mercy, and I am forever in awe.

I choose to have a theme “word” for this year vice a resolution: Striving.

Striving to be in His presence, striving to combat Satan and his lies with the Word of God. Striving to take what was meant by the enemy to destroy me and turn it into something beautiful.

“Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and striving toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.”
Philippians 3:13-14