I am such a Loser!

I don’t even want to look at the date of my last post. I am a blogging failure! Secret: I wanted so desperately to keep up with the minimum of a posting a week for 3 consecutive months so I could potentially be featured at blogher.com

Where have I been you may be thinking? Or, you may not care. Have I no loyalty to you all, my readership? Is readership a word?

I know it’s been a good two months. I have missed you blinking cursor! Shame on me!

You know how you intend to do something and a certain amount of time passes and you don’t accomplish it and you keep putting it off because when you do think about it it makes you feel yuck that you haven’t done it? I did that once (or maybe twice or more). I actually packed a cover for a blow up mattress into our moving shipment from Sicily that belonged to a friend who graciously provided me and Michael with a bed when we had none in transition. “Send me your address! I’ll send it back ASAP! So sorry it was packed in the big shipment!”

It sat in my closet for 2 years before I finally threw it away.

Ok, enough of the guilt trip. I carry enough guilt for probably, um, all of North America as a Mommy. Let’s not add to it.

In my absence my husband made it back from a month long stint to a not so fun faraway place. Wonderful family has visited, including my cousin, his wife (my secret sister), and their three children. My mom came and spent a fly by week with me and a short two weeks after that he was home. My in laws came for a fun visit. All these visits were a surprise to Michael who probably expects someone famous to stop by soon…..Michael started his soccer season and has scored multiple goals every game (Yay! This was with me coaching the first 2 weeks of the season since my husband was not available).

I also lost some weight. A significant amount. On purpose. With Shaun T from the Insanity workouts. And some healthful eating. I completed the “Insanity Challenge” and am smaller now then I was in high school. My arms look amazing. Though, the jiggle is still there, you know the one your peripheral vision never fails to catch while waving to someone with a sleeveless shirt on? I figured out if you wave slowly, like a princess wave, it doesn’t jiggle as much. I went down 6 clothing sizes. I love to run again. Am I bragging? Yep. But I won’t mention it again.

Except to say that it is a huge element in healthy thinking and mental well-being (duh).

Most recently and probably the most difficult was the privilege of sharing my journey through and out of postpartum OCD with my MOPS mommas. Twice. (Two separate groups….unfortunately my delivery was not so great the second time around….) I tried to be like a speaker who spoke to us during the year about parenting and raising three boys. So calm. So clearly well-spoken and purposeful. Stood next to but not behind the podium. Captured my attention. Elegant and graceful. Yeah, you know who you are, K. (My writing muse, whom I aspire to be anything like).

Not me.  No…. I bop up there and spoke for 40 minutes the first time (whoa….) and packed a lot into it. I tripped over the podium, in both sharing times, I think. When I stood away from the podium I lost all ability to control my arms and hands. I am not quite sure what I did with them. I could have been picking my nose….

But God’s grace was shown and He used me to reach mommas who needed to hear a scary story to know that you know what happens and He is the Only One who can pull you out of it and make you better for it.

Noooo…Sammy is rolling around in his crib….don’t wake up….I am going to sign off now, and sit in my mother’s day gift, my fabulous anti-gravity chair that is on our deck and watch the sunrise. Pray he gives me 30 (60?) good minutes.

Glad to be back. 🙂


Martha vs. Mary

My friends Teri Miller and Karen Klasi, both whom have inspired me to blog and continue to blog are amazing women. Both beautiful writers and beautiful women of God.

And I am jealous. Karen’s talent with words far surpasses that of my own and I read her blog posts with joy and sinful envy. Teri is blessed with the ability to see the lessons God has for her through everyday experiences.

Today I feel stuck. Writer’s block as they say. Does that even exist? I heard somewhere at some point in time to write anyway.

So, write I will….

My oldest took the rare nap on the couch yesterday while the youngest was sleeping. He asked me to cuddle with him and if I would play some lullabies.

Of course I would.

Jewel has a lullaby CD that he and I have listened to for a looooong time. As she sang and I snuggled with my enormous 4 year old, my mind started to fill with the things I *needed* to do. Laundry. Dishes. Dust. Vacuum. Change the litter box.

No. I told my brain to shut up.

But both boys are going to sleep…..think of all you can accomplish.

Eventually the “Martha” in me lost (as in the one from the Bible who rushed around preparing and cleaning, not Stewart. Though if I had a crew of people working for me to organize, craft, and clean, I would give her a run for her money.)

I chose to be Mary (as in the one who sat at Jesus’ feet).  I wrapped my arm around my growing boy and felt his body relax and noticed when his breath steadied indicating he was indeed, sleeping. I talked with Jesus while I was there. Thanking Him, praising Him, feeling humbled by the gift of Motherhood.

Waking up 20 minutes later, glad I had chosen to be Mary for a bit, I let my boy sleep for a little longer.

I can’t recall the finest details of eventually doing the mundane household chores (which of course I always do as on to the Lord….not).  But I can vividly remember that snuggle time, adding it to the various snapshots in my mind that my brain has taken throughout this life.

Oh, and if you want, please check out my dear friends’ blogs. You will not be disappointed.